Hello. My name is David. I am blogging here because, as alluded to in the title of the blog, sometimes the voices in my head get too loud and I can't do anything useful.
I should probably start out by pointing out that I don't mean to imply by this that I have any kind of psychopathological disorder. I don't (as far as I know). My voices are not those of others, or of gods or demons. I am free from such things, which is something I am grateful for. My voices are simply my thoughts. This is different from my inner monologue, because I am not always in control of these thoughts, nor do I necessarily identify with them. It is probably most accurate to say that I overhear these thoughts. When they make sense I will usually engage with them. When they don't I will usually let them wash over me.
Y'see, I'm a fairly run down person and prone to contemplative moods. Thinking happens to me. All the usual mechanisms at play in the human animal to keep them focused and productive and functional kind of fall apart when you haven't had enough sleep or food. Especially when your work also involves spending the entire day reading a range of academic texts. I'm aware that people will scoff at the idea of mental exhaustion. Compare it to working down a coal mine and I will agree that reading books probably isn't very tiring. But it still takes its toll, as it demands a very high level of intellectual engagement and concentration (which doesn't come naturally to me), so I ask that you humour me for now.
The net result of all this is that I often find myself on the edge of consciousness. Not asleep, but not quite awake. In this state of being, thoughts, in the form of voices, bombard you from all kind of directions. Sometimes they are inspiring. Sometimes they are interesting. Sometimes they are just snippets of an imagined conversation, or words being shouted over and over. Or laughter.
Perhaps I am wrong, but I would imagine that this is, to some extent, a familiar phenomenon to most people. Perhaps the thoughts don't take on voices, per se. Perhaps this waking dream state manifests itself as a detachment from the world, bereft of anything that would be recognised as thought in waking life. At any rate, it is very much part of who I am. And this blog is here for me to... vent, I suppose. These thoughts have a habit of swishing around in my head until I do something with them. What I do with them depends on the kind of thoughts. Some contribute towards my work. Some provide me with a little mental rumination, and result in less formal writings. The snippets of conversation and the odd repeated words and phrases will occasionally get worked in to terrible poetry or cheesy song lyrics. The point is that I'm currently inclined to use this blog as a repository for such things, whenever they get overwhelming.
I expect I will post again today, as I've repeatedly been mulling over the relationship between cosmic resonance, God and the absurd, and it seems to be getting in the way of my reading somewhat (hence the blog creation). So, implied reader, I'll see you later...
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