Late Blooming Lesbians

This article was in the G2 supplement today.

Ok, there are many positive things about this article but there are still a number of issues that bug me here.

Athough they do at least nod at the fluidity of sexuality, the whole thing is still very heteronormative. It seems to mostly be suggested that one switches from straight (a hugely inappropriate term) to lesbian; that attraction to women beforehand was present but non-sexual. Surely the reason that this phenomenon often occurs in later life is not due to a change in sexuality, but due to a change in circumstances? When we are older, and have experienced more (including things like a long term heterosexual relationship and having a family) we often find ourselves more confident and comfortable in ourselves, and therefore more willing to explore aspects of ourselves we wouldn't have previously.

And men are largely excluded from this, but no reason is given as to why this should be. There is still much more of a stigma over homosexuality in men than there is in women, and more pressure to be either completely straight or completely gay as a consequence (as, despite the stigma, at least if one identifies as gay then there is a community there with which to identify). The fact that patriarchal values have always been dominant in our society has meant that the idea of being "straight" is not one which has been challenged from within, meaning that male sexuality is almost a cartoon of what sexuality should/could be.

When we get down to brass tacks, labels such as "straight", "gay" and "bisexual" serve a social purpose, and it would be wrong to try and deny this. And there are plenty of people to whom they comfortably apply. But, just as the fact that someone identifies as male or female doesn't mean they don't also have masculine or feminine qualities, just because someone identifies as gay or straight doesn't mean they don't also have a hetero- or homosexual aspect to their sexuality. The role of sexuality, our social definitions of "love" in it's various manifestations, and the relationship between the two definitely need a rethink. It feels like we should have grown up a bit more as a species by now. These things have been debated before, of course, but usually in a heavily politicised way (e.g. the sexual revolution and second wave feminism). It feels like we should be able to talk about these things on the level of the individual, interpersonal relationships and personal identity, preferably without too much overt reference to the "system". The term "late blooming lesbians" makes a good headline, but ultimately it doesn't really challenge our perceptions of what makes a healthy sexuality.

But anyway, enough of my hippy bullshit. I'm off to become a lesbian...

Sticks and Stones

Just some ramblings from my head I might try to turn in to a song. Or part of one (I am very tired right now, so there is every chance this is unadulterated nonsense).

I'm just a patchwork man
And all I have is words
And they say they can never touch you
But I'm far too tired to care
About what abstract people think
Too exhausted for romance
And if every broken tooth changes how I speak
Then every broken bone changes what I see
And if this has to be
Then I hope that it can be with you

And Cher is an idiot
'Cause I know there's life after you
And I know that I'll love again
And if it's better to have loved and lost
Then I'll break my heart a thousand times
And be the richest man on Earth
And I know that you'll laugh
When I say that I felt God
I always get religious when I'm tired
But if this has to be then, Lord
Let it be with you