I ventured to briefly leave the house a minute ago, only to find myself walking past what appeared to be a condom full of excrement (which, for full effect, had of course been stepped in by someone too).
The only semi-reasonable explanation of this I can come up with is that somebody might have been walking their dog, only to realise that they were unequipped to deal with a canine call of nature. Desperately searching for a solution, they fished in their pocket and produced something which - at least conceivably - could possibly have served to contain the doggy doings.
When push came to shove, however, (if you'll pardon the unpleasant imagery this might conjure up) they discovered that their makeshift rubber shitsack was not really up to the job, leaving it splayed on the pavement behind them, attempting to suppress their gag reflex and trying not to think about the unfortunate soul who would inevitably step in to the mess they had left behind.
Needless to say I do not intend to leave the house again today.
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